sex positivity would be good if it was about destroying the current sexual culture and building up a healthy new one that doesn’t involve the sexualization of children, abuse, rape etc. but as of now it’s just dressing up the same harmful cultural norms as radical and progressive and ignoring the bad parts about it because that would mean people would actually have to analyze their behavior and that makes people uncomfortable
I have a serious question/concern regarding feminism. Is it bad, or somehow wrong, for me to not really care about sex/orgasms? I am strongly interested in feminism and women’s issues/politics, and am all for personal rights and freedoms. I think women should be welcome to have as much sex as they want, seek pleasure and intimacy in every way they desire. I don’t think sex should be all about the man and women should get to orgasm, too. But at the same time, I feel weird about the fact that I don’t really care, personally, about having constant mind-blowing sex. I don’t need or even want my boyfriend to make me cum five times a day. Sex is fine and great, but we only have it once a week or so. And I never have an orgasm, and I’m fine with it. It’s not that he doesn’t try or care, or that I’m uncomfortable or that I’m not having fun, because I am. I just can’t orgasm from penetrative sex. It’s whatever. I can handle that on my own, which I don’t mind at all. But I genuinely feel like people might judge me for that, saying “YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN’T MAKE YOU ORGASM EVERY DAY? WHAT A SELFISH PRICK! DUMP HIM AND MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY, GO OUT THERE AND GET THAT AMAZING SEX YOU DESERVE!” And yet I’m so happy in my relationship. I am so much more interested in what my boyfriend has to say than what he can do with his dick. And yet I feel somehow anti-feminist for being like “eh, I don’t really need to command the bedroom, I’m fine with pretty vanilla, occasional sex.” Is this bad? Am I thinking about this in the wrong way? Am I really missing out on something, because I truly am happy with the way things are. I feel like everyone should have the right to choose what they want in terms of sex, but what if sex just isn’t a big part of my life? I feel like I’m the only feminist who isn’t all about reclaiming sexual power. It’s fine if other ladies want that, but I don’t. And nobody talks about it. I feel like no one is writing feminist articles/blog posts about how sex is ultimately second to so many other aspects of a serious relationship; everything is about “sexual liberation and compatibility” and “getting the pleasure you deserve.” I understand the intention there - there are many women out there who are barred from sexual expression for a multitude of reasons, which I think is so, so very wrong. I firmly believe in sexual liberation for all women in the world. However, I am very lucky to be exempt from these problems/limitations. I am not a part of a culture/country in which I’d be shamed for having sex, and I am grateful for that fact. I see why it’s important for many women to embrace feminism and reclaim their sexuality, but I don’t feel that way. There’s no representation of feminists saying “Sex isn’t always great. Sometimes we prefer to talk to our dates, boyfriends/girlfriends, lovers, spouses, etc. Sometimes we’re too tired or too distracted, or just want to cuddle and watch a movie.” Am I a feminist if I want that more than explosive sexual pleasure? As long as I believe in the right for everyone to choose how and when (if at all) they want to express their sexuality? Because I’ve never, ever heard another feminist say things like this, ever.
If this in any way offends any of my followers, I apologize.
I hate my job at UMass and I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m debating on quitting at the end of the semester and trying to find work elsewhere for my last semester here. I babysit for a family on Thursdays and Fridays and I could maybe ask them if I could take on some more shifts, like every single night of the week…But they have this other babysitter who does the days I can’t do this semester because of my UMass job, and I’d feel bad being like “hey could you kinda dump her and just use me from now on because I’m poor?”
I completely fucked up this week and forgot to fulfill like 4 or 5 different responsibilities for my job because I kind of forgot it existed. It’s that shitty that on the weekends I block it out of my head and pretend it doesn’t exist.